


When You've Seen Beyond Yourself (Then You May Find Peace of Mind is Waiting There)

by Rossellini



Category: South Park
Genre: AU where they never met as kids, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Anxiety, Autism, Autistic Tweek Tweak, Awkward Conversations, Coming Out, Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak in Love, Craig in Glasses, Craig is a Good Boyfriend, Craig is the very best bf ever, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hair-pulling, He love him, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Craig Tucker, Sex Talk, Stimming, Supportive Craig Tucker, They're college aged in this one, Trans Character, Transphobia, but in the self-injury way, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24642727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rossellini/pseuds/Rossellini
Summary: "Craig's skin smelled like expensive sandalwood soap and safety. Tweek breathed him in, as if his boyfriend would melt away under his touch, just like the soap."Or, the one where Tweek has a lot going on under his skin, and Craig loves him anyway.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 13
Kudos: 69





	1. Open Up Your Eyes Now (Tell Me What You See)

The harsh clanging of the knocker against Craig's apartment door raised his hackles as he blearily stumbled out of his desk chair. The sound was horrifyingly loud and frantic for this hour of night, which could only mean one thing. Craig crossed the width of his shitty studio in three large strides, flicking on a light as he hurried to open the door to confirm his fear: Tweak, a shivering mess on his doorstep, without a coat and seconds away from an oncoming meltdown.

This wasn't Craig's first rodeo. Tweek and Craig had met not even a year ago, and they'd been dating just a few months, but in that time, Craig had received a crash course in having an autistic boyfriend. He learned quickly that on some days, the world was too loud, too fast, too bright, and Tweek would start to feel static-y, fuzzy around the edges, as if he was an animated cartoon with the ink outline suddenly washed away. His brain and nerves would _hurt hurt hurt_ and his skin would crawl and he would break down sobbing because he needed to _get it out get it OUT_ of him. Craig had quickly learned that this was no existential crisis nor anxious spiral that could be vanquished with some thoughtful dialogue, rather, Tweek needed someone to draw those ink outlines back in so the color didn't spill out.  
  
"Oh _baby-_ "  
  
"C-Craig, I, I-" Tweek hiccuped, his words slipping away from him quickly. Craig could tell by the way his boyfriend struggled to wrap his lips and tongue around his name that this was going to be a particularly bad one.  
  
"You're safe now, love, let's go to bed," he soothed, quickly snatching the shorter boy up against his chest as he bundled him into the apartment, the blonde painfully mewling against him.  
  
As soon as Tweek felt the slightly scratchy texture of the bed-sheets kiss his skin, the remaining restraint holding him together to get him here instantly collapsed, and he broke down spectacularly, his whimpers devolving into strangled wailing, his body failing to hold him upright, his hands flying up to tear at his golden locks, desperately trying to drown out the _icky gross hurts_ inside him.  
  
"Hey, hey, none of that," Craig gently chided, delicately disentangling his boyfriend's long digits from his hair. "I have you now, honey, you don't need to do that," he murmured in his ear, bringing the shaking hands between them to brush kisses against the knuckles.  
  
Pulling Tweek against his chest with one arm, Craig used the other to slip his very favorite hat off his head, exposing his somewhat shaggy hair to his boyfriend. The taller boy pulled the hat taut over Tweek's head with practiced ease, carefully folding his jittery fingers around the braided yarn at the end of the flaps.  
  
"There you go, my love, feels better to pull on that, hmm?" said Craig, ghosting a fingertip over his boyfriend's ruddy, tear-stained cheekbone, offering a soft smile. Tweek responded with only high-pitched whines, burrowing his face into Craig's bare chest.  
  
"M-m-make it stop, I w-want it to _stop!_ " he pleaded, yanking on the thick cords so hard that a hat made with less give would have torn. Thankfully, Craig was well aware that his hat was made of wool, extra soft and stretchy from many years of love. It was Tweak's hat almost as much as it was his now.  
  
"I know, sunshine, I hear you," Craig cooed sympathetically in his ear, squeezing him extra tight against his body. He'd read it online somewhere that it made people like Tweek feel calmer, and it definitely seemed to work for him, immediately noticing him go boneless in his embrace.  
  
"I've got you, sweetheart, it's gonna be over so soon, 'm staying right here," the taller boy whispered, planting slow, firm kisses on the apples of his boyfriend's cheeks. Everything he did was slow, soothing him so he wouldn't feel as if he were adrift at sea. Craig did his best to stand strong as the waves of _too much too much much much_ crashed against them, nuzzling his own head against Tweek's as if to say _I won't let you drown._  
  
Even though this wasn't the first time Tweek had melted down in front of Craig, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, it broke Craig's heart just the same to see sweet, sassy, witty Tweek in so much agony, and he wished so much he could siphon the pain out of him so that he wouldn't have to scream and paw at his hair anymore. Still, Craig thought, bracketing the blonde with his knees and pressing squishy kisses to his overly-warm forehead, he couldn't imagine loving him more than he did right now. Knowing that his warm, unflappable presence shortened Tweek's suffering just that little bit helped him feel a lot less powerless.  
  
Tweek tried his best to muffle his cries against Craig's skin, trusting his boyfriend would be able to hold up under his weight. Craig was decidedly a little on the slender side, but he was solid, immovable beneath Tweek. Craig's skin smelled like expensive sandalwood soap and safety. Tweek breathed him in, as if his boyfriend would melt away under his touch, just like the soap. No matter how much the blonde quivered from the _fire fire its burning ITS BURNING_ in his brain, he knew Craig would always be there to color him back in when he felt so undefined. He loved the way his boyfriend's chest felt warm and solid and _real_ on his cheek and how his arms and legs and the dryer-burnt blanket that smelled like _him_ were snug and tight around him.  
  
Maybe Craig wasn't the best with words, but he was _amazing_ at surrounding every inch of him with his body, his smell, his _love_ and it told Tweek's screaming nervous system _you are home,_ gentle rays of warmth and calm seeping into his skin, into his veins, tingling in his spine, and blossoming in his brain. Tweek remembers there was a word for Craig's witchcraft, proprio-something or other, had to do with the way the body knows if it's floating in the ether or not and the parasympa-whatever nervous system, but Tweek couldn't really give a damn about the big science-y explanation behind how Craig could make him feel so _good._ All he knew was that he loved his brainiac boyfriend and the magic that he did.  
  
Craig could feel Tweek's energy starting to wane, the heaving as he sobbed offering less and less resistance to his tight embrace. Tweek's knuckles were pinking back up as his death grip on the hat strings loosened. Finally, _finally_ the eye of the storm had passed over them, and calmer waters were in sight. Craig shifted his tight hold on his boyfriend so they could lay down, letting Tweek's head loll into the crook of the taller boy's neck. One hand slowly made its way along Tweek's spine, fingers finding their way under the hat to gently run fingernails along the blonde's scalp, an act that sent Tweek to dream land without fail in normal circumstances. Craig pressed he heel of his other hand to the base of Tweek's spine, methodically moving back and forth over the soft fabric of an oversized black tee that definitely belonged to Craig at some point, yet had found its way into Tweek's closet. He yearned to know how silky soft the skin of Tweek's back would feel on his palms, but his boyfriend had yet to allow him to touch under his clothes, and now would definitely not be the time to try.

  
"You're doing so good, baby," he gently praised, melting a kiss against Tweek's temple, then another. Craig could still feel hot tears falling on his collarbone, and rosy lips issuing whimpers against the hollow of his throat. Not quite done yet, but relaxed just enough where he'd be able to tolerate Craig speaking softly in his ear.  
  
" 'm gross, Craig," Tweek muttered, his voice gravelly from the strain of crying.  
  
"Never, ever, _ever_ , honey," he breathed, moving his head to give his boyfriend an Eskimo kiss. "You're _never_ gross like this."

Craig felt Tweek exhale, relaxing into the gentle touch moving through his hair.  
  
"I keep doin' this shit," he sighed, nervousness starting to creep back into his speech.  
  
"And I love you still," Craig admitted with a genuine smile, placing a soft kiss in the space between Tweek's brows.  
  
Craig recognized this as that weird post-ictal period after a meltdown where everything wasn't so _wrong_ , but nothing was _right_ either. Tweek would feel so drained, overexposed as if he'd been out in the sun too long and gotten a nasty sunburn. If he did try to speak, it tended not to make a lot of sense, and it would often devolve into Tweek beating himself up for melting down in the first place. Craig had learned that it was important to make his boyfriend feel loved and calm enough to fall asleep, because there was zero way any conversation right now wouldn't send him into an anxiety attack, which was the last thing that needed to happen.  
  
"I'm so happy you're here," the taller boy cheered softly in Tweek's ear, nosing at his jawbone.  
  
"Huh, ruh-really?" Tweek slurred, exhaustion audibly getting to him as he splayed his hands across his boyfriend's hairless chest. Craig wanted to coo over how adorable his boyfriend sounded when he was _really_ sleepy (which wasn't often, and not a good thing tonight, given the preceding events) but was able to limit himself to a gentle smile.  
  
"Mmm, yeah. I am," Craig purred. "I think it's special getting to be with you like this. You know, _after_ ," he paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. "There's something real nice about knowing these moments are only for me."  
  
"B-but what about before?" asked the blonde boy, his last word morphing into a yawn, and this time Craig really had to try not to chuckle.  
  
"I like making you feel safe," the taller boy shrugged. "It's really not a big deal to me, especially because it's not your fault. Plus, I get to hold you," the hand rubbing Tweek's back moved to give his hip a gentle squeeze.  
  
For the first time since this all started, Tweek was able to meet Craig's eyes, and blushed at his boyfriend's completely besotted expression. He almost wanted to cry again after feeling so cherished, and it was a thumb moving down his face to carefully wipe at his eye that alerted him to the fact that he _was_.  
  
"You love me, even like this?"  
  
"I love you _especially_ like this," Craig crooned, pressing a delicate kiss to each eyelid, then the tip of his nose, then his lips.  
  
Tweek seemed to accept this answer, giving out another yawn before nuzzling back into Craig's skin.  
  
"Tired," he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath.  
  
"I bet, honey," said Craig, his voice sleepy soft to encourage Tweek to let himself drift. He felt Tweek shiver against him (in the good way) as the rasp of the tone he used only for moments like this one melted under his skin, like warm caramel on his tongue. Craig steadily increased the amount of pressure his hands were using on his scalp and back, letting Tweek surrender to his touch.  
  
"You're safe with me, sweetheart. Just focus on how my hands feel in your hair and on your back," he was barely audible now, a mere breath in his lover's ear as his hands chased the remaining jitters away. "You can sleep now, it's okay. I've got you. You are so loved, Tweek. _So loved._ "  
  
For just a fraction of a second, Craig saw Tweek's eyes flicker to meet his one more time, and just like that, Tweek let himself sink down, utterly surrounded by _Craig_ and _love._ The taller man felt the blonde's breathing slow down and even out, quietly exhaling though his relaxed, open mouth. Craig kept playing with his hair until he was sure Tweek was soundly asleep, heaven knows he needed it.  
  
As much as he didn't mind sheltering Tweek through the storms, he hated how much of a toll it took on Tweek every time. Craig wished he knew what triggered this one, even if it was something as simple as a too-long day or some idiot being a loud asshole on the bus home. He sighed, running a hand over his face, hoping Tweek would remember in the morning and would be okay to talk about it.  
  
It was then he noticed the white glow of Tweek's phone, forgotten when it had fallen on the bedroom floor in the rush to get Tweek inside. Craig nimbly reached down to grab the phone without disturbing Tweek, and on closer inspection, he realized the phone was receiving several new notifications, all from the same unknown number. Craig gnawed on the inside of his lip as he glanced over at Tweek's sleeping form, torn as to whether he should open the messages or not. Tweek never password protected his phone (he was terrified that nobody would be able to use his phone to call Craig in an emergency if he did), so there was nothing stopping him from reading these incoming messages. On the other hand, he had no evidence that whatever this person was typing at this hour was in any way related to the meltdown.  
  
He _really_ didn't want to breach Tweek's privacy like this, but his boyfriend instincts were blaring at him to open the messages. Exhaling quietly, he swiped up with his thumb to open the text conversation, bracing himself for what he might read. What he saw made him fairly sure he wouldn't be sleeping that night.  
  
_**unknown number:** you know what you are?  
  
__**unknown number:** youre a fucken dickless crybaby  
  
__**unknown number:**_ _i dont understand how your bf is able to even sleep in the same bed as you at night ffs  
  
**unknown number:** you have be the best cocksucker in a 50 mile radius becuz that has to be the only way he would put up with such a whiny bitch  
_  
_**unknown number:** he deserves a real man for a bf and you know it. we all know you aint.  
  
_It was all Craig could do it prevent himself from smashing the phone on the ground and hopping in the car to _end_ this man. Not that Tweek couldn't handle himself, he's definitely had some moments that made even him say "Jesus Fucking Christ". If this person had been heckling Tweek before these were sent, it was strange that Tweek _didn't_ already kick his ass.  
  
Craig rested his head in his hands, trying to figure out what on Earth to do about poor Tweek. Tweek, his sweet, sensitive love who looked so peaceful sleeping in his bed. As if on cue, he rolled over, reaching out in his sleep for a body that wasn't quite there at the moment. Sighing, he decided to sleep on it, the temptation of snuggling with his adorable boyfriend too irresistible to ignore. Carefully, Craig maneuvered himself back under the covers and close as he could manage to be to Tweek. Wrapping the blonde once more again in his embrace, he left a lingering kiss on his forehead, just below the hat that was too precious not to leave on.  
  
Maybe he wouldn't sleep tonight. But he could at least keep him safe in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proprioception is truly amazing for calming humans (and many other animals). the power of a hug or a squeeze can go farther for some people than most drugs. it's like resetting your router and when it comes back on your internet speed stops sucking. 
> 
> it's possible that this amount of physical affection would toe the line of "in character" for craig but I think about it from the mindset that it's something easier and effective to do for Tweek when he's like this as opposed to trying to talk about things (which wouldn't be helpful for autistic!tweek anyway)
> 
> While he definitely doesn't fit nicely within the dx guidelines, and is clearly a parody of drug use in the show, I feel like autistic!tweek could make sense in the context of his anxiety based in rigid thinking and apparent motor skill issues. I wanted to write about a meltdown and how it differs from an anxiety attack- meltdowns are a function of neurological overload and you just gotta ride em out, possibly with some calming sensory input and/or help from another person (which works for tweek but maybe not for someone else).


	2. Was He Told When He Was Young That Pain Would Lead to Pleasure?

_"My love don't give me presents..."  
_

Brassy electric guitar tones, Paul McCartney's rockabilly crooning, and the unmistakable crackle of hot oil in a skillet greeting Craig as his eyes fluttered open, sunlight streaming down on him through the vertical blinds. Reflexively, he stretched like a cat as he sat up, resulting in some satisfying pops and cracks in his spine as he did so.  
  
 _Huh, so I did sleep...  
  
_ Judging from the sounds coming from the kitchen, Craig was not surprised to find the other half of the bed unoccupied. He checked the time on his phone, internally groaning when the display showed that he had slept well past ten in the morning. The taller boy could only hope that Tweek hadn't been awake too much longer, that he had slept soundly through the night against his chest. _  
_

It dawned on him that whatever it was Tweek was cooking (could it be bacon?) smelled _really_ good, and that he was _starving._ Craig grabbed a clean shirt, slid his glasses on and made his way over to the source of the wonderful smells.  
 _  
_Tweek was shaking his hips and bobbing his head along to the upbeat Beatles song as he scrambled eggs in the skillet, a sizeable pile of cooked bacon tempting Craig from its place next to the stove. He thought he saw him mouthing along to the lyrics as he turned his head, and the domestic scene made Craig's heart swell with adoration. He wondered what he did in his past life to wake up to his incredibly sexy boyfriend dancing in the kitchen as he made breakfast, wearing _his_ shirt and sweatpants, all after having the meltdown of the decade the night before.  
  
 _Yep, I've found myself a keeper._  
  
Craig walked up right behind his boyfriend as he plated the eggs, loosely pressing himself against Tweek's backside, placing a messy kiss behind his ear as his own hips swayed to follow Tweek's motion.  
  
"You're in a good mood this morning," husked Craig.  
  
The blonde shrieked in surprise and delight, his face lighting up as he twisted to meet Craig's lips in a slow, sweet kiss. Craig could taste the dark roast coffee and maybe a little bit of chapstick on his soft lips, and he hummed contentedly at the flavor.  
  
"Fuck, man, why do you have to look so _sexy_ in glasses?" Tweek simpered, nuzzling his face into Craig's neck. Craig snickered lowly, affectionately smooching the top of his golden curls. It was no secret that Tweek had a massive glasses kink. Craig greatly preferred contact lenses, but he kept a pair to use at night or in the morning, before he could be assed to put them in. Even though they had only gone as far making out with some over-the-clothes ass-grabbing, Craig loved the effect it had on Tweek.

"Why do _you_ have to look so sexy making breakfast?" countered the taller boy, a quirk in one corner of his lips.  
  
"I- _gah_ \- I wanted to say thanks. For last night. I know it was hard, but I'm really happy you took care of me like that," Tweek sighed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. Craig noticed the fingers of his other hand flit and flicker like a hummingbird's wings. That one was a happy stim.  
  
"I could never say no to your cooking, babydoll, but you should know by now it's not a big deal," said Craig, eyes softening. "It's just what a boyfriend does."  
  
"I know I'm not exactly a normal, or even an easy to deal with boyfriend, though..." the blonde trailed off.  
  
"Hey," the taller boy soothed, tilting Tweek's chin up with two fingers. "I think I was pretty clear when I chose you that it's gonna take a lot more than that to scare me off, love."  
  
Tweek exhaled, turning off the music and grabbing the plates.  
  
"I believe you. But thanks anyway," he pecked Craig on the cheek, looking him dead in the eye. "I mean it." Craig grinned genuinely before moving to help set the table.  
  
"Fucking finally, I've been waiting to eat this bacon since I woke up." Craig cheered, serving himself a sizeable portion.  
  
Tweek beamed seeing his boyfriend enjoying the breakfast he made. They ate in fairly comfortable silence, occasionally shooting the breeze and playing footsie under the table. The only thing interrupting what would have been domestic bliss was the odd _ding_ of Tweek's phone, which would cause him to periodically check his notifications, grimace, and then put it away, as if nothing was wrong. The average bystander might not have noticed, but Craig certainly did. Craig saw the slight quiver of Tweek's lower lip getting progressively worse after each text, but he decided to say nothing until they were done eating.  
  
It was when he was washing the plates in the sink he felt he couldn't be silent anymore.  
  
"Honey," he began, trying to find the words to have this conversation without spooking Tweek further. He didn't want to ruin the happiness coursing through him this morning.

"What happened last night? That made you so upset?" he reached out to take Tweek's soft hands in his own, his fingers going quiet in his grasp. Tweek immediately averted his gaze, eyes darting around the room as if he would find an explanation written on the wall somewhere.  
  
"Some guy from class was being a douche. I was just so done," he replied, hesitance weaving through his voice like a spider spinning a web between the words. "I think I was bothering him by being so, y'know, twitchy and panicky and shit."  
  
Tweek's hands were starting to talk for him too, hands coming up near his face to start flapping. While it was a stim he did when he was anxious, Craig was glad he wasn't pulling his hair out again.  
  
"That does suck, I'm sorry that happened to you," said Craig, knowing that the answer was incomplete. "Did you tell him to fuck off?"  
  
"Oh yeah, and he did," Tweek waved him off. "I just had a long day and I was looking forward to calming down, and I didn't have the energy for that bullshit last night."  
  
Craig worried his lower lip with his canine, his instincts screaming at him to confront him and ask what was _really_ wrong so he could _fix_ it. But he knew that wasn't what Tweek needed from him, because not all of Tweek's problems were something to be fixed. He sucked in a deep breath to restrain himself, and let out the words he wanted to say on his exhale.  
  
"Tweek, he was texting you just now, wasn't he?" Craig looked up at him through sad eyes.  
  
The breath hitched in Tweek's throat, eyes flung open as he realized he'd been caught.  
  
"No, no it was just my-" he scrambled.  
  
"Look, _um_ -" Craig interrupted. "I- I saw what he sent you. On your phone. It fell on the ground and it was open when it started going off again, and I just- _fuck_ , Tweek, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he hung his head in shame.  
  
Tweek looked at him for a long minute, the silence between them thickening from comfortable to suffocating.  
  
 _"Why?"_ was Tweek's response, not quite angry, more sad, _scared_ even.  
  
"Because I was worried about you, Tweek, and in my head, I thought I was gonna find something that I had to fix," Craig admitted.  
  
"But I don't _need_ you to fix it!" protested Tweek, hands clenching up now as they flapped.  
  
"Oh, sweetheart, I know you don't. I believe you that you can handle him like every other asshat that's tried to butt their way into your life before," Craig placated, raising his hands as a sign of agreement. "And you're right, it's okay to be upset with me that I looked in your phone. That wasn't okay of me. It's just...the things that he said were... _weird_..."  
  
"...Weird, how?" the blonde squeaked out, shoulders starting to quake. Not that Craig noticed, the taller boy was focused on something off in the distance.  
  
"Like, the things he called you...is he a middle schooler? It's not like you to get so _down_ about playground insults. It just makes me so worried that there's something else on your mind, because I would think that if someone called you a 'dickless crybaby' to your face-"  
  
 _"I don't have a dick, okay?!"_ Tweek exploded, his shout piercing through the awkwardness between them like a butcher's blade.  
  
Craig whirled around, staring at his boyfriend as he stared at his own shaking hands, before hiding his face in them.  
  
The realization of Tweek's outburst hit him like a Mack truck.  
  
It made so much sense. Why Tweek wouldn't let him fix his buttons. Why Tweek wouldn't let him grind, or touch under his clothes while making out. Why Tweek always wore a shirt and baggy pants to bed, even on the sweltering, sticky nights of summer.

Craig looked up at his boyfriend and the trance on him was shattered. He was standing here pondering and his poor boyfriend was _frightened_ and _sobbing_ into his hands, and with a surge of protectiveness, his boyfriend instincts took over his body faster than he could think, like a flash he was squeezing Tweek close, so close, folding himself around his trembling body. He was heartbroken that he let him think for even a _second_ that he could be unwanted.  
  
"Tweek," he asked, in his sleepy-soft voice. "Are you trans?"  
  
The frantic nods against his chest were all the confirmation he needed. Craig exhaled in relief and pressed some calming kisses to Tweek's hairline, swaying them both gently as Tweek quietly soaked his shirt with his tears. Thankfully, he wasn't melting down, just scared and overwhelmed from surely the hardest thing he's ever done in his entire life. Craig let himself bury his face in his boyfriend's wispy, blonde curls, closing his eyes and breathing in the smell of his maple conditioner, his Moroccan oil anti-frizz serum, and something that was just indescribably _Tweek_.  
  
 _God_ damn _, do I love this man._

"Let's sit for a minute," murmured Craig, tugging Tweek over to the cheap couch he picked up off Letgo with a gentleness he'd never shown before in his life. Tweek was mostly cried out by the time they sat, a sniffling, scarlet husk that Craig easily bundled into his lap.  
  
"That was why you had that thing about wearing a shirt, huh?" inquired Craig.  
  
"Yeah," confirmed Tweek. "D-didn't want you to see the scars from when I had top surgery."  
  
"Am I the first person you've told?"  
  
"My parents know, they found out when I started transitioning. B-but I haven't told anyone else. Didn't know how to," the blonde sniffled.

"Thank you for telling me," reassured the taller boy, nuzzling his face into his boyfriend's hair. "And before you ask, no, you still haven't scared me off yet."  
  
"B-but you're _gay_ , Craig!" blubbered Tweek, lips tickling his boyfriend's neck as he spoke.  
  
"And you're a man, babe. Of course I'm gonna find you attractive," affirmed Craig, brushing his boyfriend's bangs back to smudge a kiss on the skin there. "Were you really that afraid that I would dump you if I knew?" he asked.  
  
He found his answer in the way Tweek wrung his hands. The same way he did on their first date, when he was trying to bottle up his stims, like a cork halfway out of the champagne bottle.  
  
"Look, Tweek," began Craig, sitting up straight and taking both of the blonde's scarred up hands in his own. "You're _exactly_ the same person I fell in love with as you were 20 minutes ago. You're the only person I know who believes in aliens as seriously as I do. The way your eyes light up when you get excited talking about a good movie is adorable. You're so shy and snuggly with me, but you can tear someone a new one because they think a macchiato is a Harbucks smoothie."  
  
"Because they're totally different!" interjected Tweek with a sorely needed giggle.

"I know, right?" concurred Craig. "My point is, Tweek, I love you for _you,_ " he declared, poking him right where his heart would be. "You being trans doesn't change any of the things I love about you. I'm not about to be put off because you look a little different under your clothes than I was expecting." Slowly, Craig trailed his fingers along the pale curve of Tweek's neck, cupping his freckled cheeks with a tenderness that made Tweek's heart melt into a gooey mess, he could almost feel it trickling through his ribs, like some kind of emotional molasses.  
  
"Honey, you're it for me," Craig confessed. "I want it all with you. I know we've only been dating for seven months, but I can't imagine myself with anyone else. You're just too fuckin' perfect," he beamed.  
  
Tweek was silent for a moment, his lips pursed in a way someone might if they were sucking on a sour candy. It was almost as if he was chewing on the question he wanted to ask.  
  
"So...you'd have sex with me?" he asked.  
  
"Duh, asshole," sassed Craig, halfheartedly flicking Tweek's forehead. "That's kind of what being attracted to someone means."  
  
"You want to have sex with me, despite the fact I don't have a dick?" Tweek repeated in disbelief.  
  
"I told you a while ago that I'm a top. Not gonna be much of a difference, babe," affirmed Craig.  
  
"But what if I didn't want you to fuck me like _that?"_ blurted Tweek, sprawling backwards onto the couch cushion with a mighty twitch.

"...Okay, I'm lost now," the taller boy deadpanned.  
  
"I've _-ngh-_ experimented, Craig," admitted Tweek, standing up and starting to pace. "Not with other people _-oh Jesus-_ just with myself. It was just my fingers at first, but I liked it so much I went online and ordered some toys."  
  
"Tweek, _holy shit_ ," Craig spluttered, readjusting his position on the couch as he watched his boyfriend pace back and forth across the living area.

"I know it's weird, but I realized that I really enjoy that kind of sex," Tweek ranted, his arms gesticulating wildly as he spoke. "And if I got more surgery than I already have, that would change. So I decided that I was okay looking less like a guy if it meant I didn't lose that," he explained.  
  
"I think about you, Craig," revealed the blonde, turning to his boyfriend sitting at rapt attention. "When I use one of my toys, I imagine it's you fucking me. _Fuck_ , Craig, I want you to fuck me so bad, but I'm so _scared_ that you wouldn't want to, because you're _gay_ and I want you to fuck me like I'm a- a-"  
  
 _Oh.  
  
_ It clicked for Craig's stunned mind what Tweek was asking of him. He stood up and interrupted his boyfriend's stuttering with a firm squeeze on his shoulders.  
 _  
_"Like you're a _man_ , Tweek," he asserted, guiding Tweek's chin with two fingers so their eyes would meet. In most situations, Tweek would hate such an act, but Craig _needed_ to know his love understood him completely.

"What you do with your body is your business. Nobody gets to decide whether you're a man or not because you want to have sex a certain way. I'm not going to, and if some dumbshit out there decides their stupid fucking opinion is relevant, they can go suck a dick." Craig firmly stated, waggling his middle finger for effect with a slight smile. He thought he saw the corners of Tweek's lips quirk up in response.  
  
"And as for you, my love," purred Craig, pulling Tweek in by the hips, eliciting a surprised squeak from the shorter man. "As long as it's with you, I know I'm gonna love it. I just want you to feel comfortable with me, and if that means I learn some new tricks, that's what will happen," he reassured.  
  
"You'd really do that for me?" gasped Tweek, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears (Craig hoped they were of joy or relief).  
  
"I promise, angel. _When_ -" Craig booped him on the nose for emphasis, making Tweek's eyes flutter. "-we make love, I'm gonna make it amazing for you," he resolved. "It probably wouldn't be a bad thing to learn some new things, especially when the teacher is hot," the taller boy leered at the blonde over the rims of his glasses.

"Craig, you _dog!"_ Tweek squealed.

" _I got an A+ on my last oral presentation_ ," Craig breathed hotly in his ear, tracing the shell with the blade of his tongue.  
  
 _"Jesus fuck!"_

Craig couldn't help but give an earnest laugh at his boyfriend's flustered expression. He wondered how far down the redness on his neck went.  
  
At the same time, he felt so lucky that his boyfriend was able to entrust him with something so _big_. As much as Tweek was put in the position of being vulnerable without much choice in the matter, like when he melted down or had sensory overload, Craig respected the shit out of him for taking such a big risk in telling him. Noticing that Tweek had joined in on laughing at the situation, Craig looked up and saw the grateful look in Tweek's eyes, the kind that said _I'm glad you're here._  
  
 _No, Tweek, I'm the one who's grateful for you._  
  
"In all seriousness though, can I ask you something?" asked Craig, once they had calmed down.  
  
"Of course!" Tweek exclaimed, wrapping his hands around his boyfriend's long fingers.  
  
"Can I _please_ fix your shirt buttons now?" he implored. Tweek chortled at his boyfriend's very best attempt at puppy dog eyes, deciding to humor him with a peck on his sharp nose.  
  
"Fine, you have yourself a deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that the dialogue is somewhat awkward regarding the topic of sex, but I wanted to limit the use of any references to body parts that could be triggering for some readers. I also felt that because Craig is Tweek's first boyfriend and neither of them has been in this position before, both of them might dance around things as they figure out how to have these kinds of "where are the boundaries" conversations effectively. 
> 
> I will fully admit I am a cis person and as such am liable to getting things wrong. As I mentioned to some commenters in the previous chapter, there are a lot of trans people within the autistic community, and I wanted readers to be able to see themselves reflected in what they read.


End file.
